Sunday, February 09, 2014

ABC TV Clarke and Dawe Episode on "Start the Boats".

Suggested unsolicited script for the comedy show ABC TV Clarke and Dawe on "Start the Boats".
Dawe: Good evening Mr. X, what is your occupation?

{Clark appears with face apparently digitally blurred and voice digitally disguised.}

Clark: I am in the ocean cruse business.

Dawe: You are a people smuggler aren't you?

Clarke: No, I provide assisted passage for those wishing to visit foreign parts.

Dawe: This document says you ordered your staff to buy small boats, force people onto them and told them to sail to a country which had not authorized their entry.

Clarke: Hang, on I can't see.
{Clarke then wipes the blur away from his face. We see it was a fogged sheet of glass in front of him. His voice change was because he was speaking into a megaphone. He turns to the side and shouts into the megaphone:}

Stroke, stroke, stroke!

{He puts down the megaphone and talks in his normal voice.}

That's better, now what is the document?

Dawe: It is a cabinet paper on "Operation Sovereign Borders" leaked from your office, minister.

Clarke: A leaked document would make it an on-water matter. I can't comment on on-water matters. I am busy stopping people smugglers.

Dawe: What do people smugglers do?

Clarke: They buy small boats, force people on them and tell them to sail to a country which has not authorised their entry.

Dawe: Isn't that what you did?

Clarke: That is an on-water matter, so I have put a General in charge of it.

Dawe: If its on water, shouldn't you have put an admiral in charge?

Clarke: The navy is busy.

Dawe: Busy? What is more important than protecting our borders?

Clarke: Avoiding invading Indonesia by accident.
Dawe:  But surely your ships know where the border is?
Clarke: Yes, I believe is the correct nautical term is "astern".
Dawe: Minister, thank you for your time.


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